National Space Agency's secretariat just confirmed that I am still in the running to become Malaysia’s first astronaut.

Now I hope the government initial plan to bring our foods to outer space would not become a reality.

Dear Yoda*,

Since you came on silver screen I've been a big fan of yours. Your capability to trained Jedi for eight centuries is amazing. Your wisdom and experience were legendary. And for a nine hundred years old chap, you are quite cute. Okay, okay. I’ll cut right to the chase and tell you the reason I wrote this letter.

Can I meet you master? If I could only do that, I’d be very happy. I promise I wouldn’t ask for anything else from you. Ever. Please leave a message to let me know when and where you want that meeting to be held.

If this could help you to make the right decision (to meet me), you are my second favorite hero in the whole world. You are just slightly behind Kimberly, the Pink Ranger. Hey, don’t blame me. I grew up watching the (Power) Rangers kicked ass. Almost all my friends like her.

Btw, in case you couldn’t make it, can you send Mace Windu instead? He’s cool.

Your fan,
Faizall

PS: You are real right?


*To non Star Wars fan, Yoda is the ancient and revered Jedi Master.

The (Proud) Traditions Continued

By the time Benitez's men found sanctuary in their dressing room, Milan were already leading by 3 goals.

Forty minutes later.

With few minutes left to the game, the Liverpool fans were chanting and singing as their players stroked the ball around.

I don’t (want to) know what happened in the dressing room. But, it’s working.


Wifey: Owen is still with Liverpool right?
Me: Not anymore dear. He is with Real now.
Wifey: Hey, that is Beckham’s team. The greatest team in the world.
Me: What makes you to say that dear?
Wifey: They got Beckham aren’t they?
Me: Yeah.
Wifey: That’s my point.

Why Ali? My Wife Ask Me

Though I really love heist movies and Ocean’s Eleven, I’d rather watch Ali compares to Ocean’s Twelve (anytime). Easily, I can give you 9 reasons why I opted for the former.

1. I really love Will Smith (Will, don’t get it the wrong way, I’m damn straight). He’s cool. He makes stupid movies entertaining (Think Bad Boys and Bad Boys 2).
2. Though it (Ocean's Twelve) had an all-star cast, Will Smith isn’t one of it.



3. Years of screen time been given to Catherine Zeta Jones and Brad Pitt (relationship). Yeah I know, Catherine is sexy and to watch Brad doing the stalking and smooth talking is fun, but that’s not as fun-sexy as learning new thieving skills.
4. Brad Pitt's obsession with his ex-girlfriend, which is not funny.
5. The actual heist. Come on, it can’t be that simple. Seriously, nobody would ever consider putting a priceless object (gold egg) in a backpack and having just two agents guarding and transporting it using public transportation?
6. The actual heist was so bad that Rebecca Loos or Monica Lewinsky’s appearance couldn't even save it.
7. But, their appearance would surely impress Paris Hilton, I would think.
8. The way in which ‘The Night Fox’ got into the museum to steal the gold egg (later, he learned that it’s fake). Come on, it’s really impossible for mankind like us to dance around the museum floor avoiding lots of laser beams that go in a random pattern. But, he did it. Twice. Whoa, he must be somebody from outer space. That makes me wanna call Agent K (Will Smith in MIB).
9. And why would they make the lasers visible to human eye? That’s not right.

So yesterday for the tenth time of my life, I watched Ali.

In my dream, this bike suits me perfectly.

But after last Sunday*, I am glad I didn’t have a chance to ride on it.

I trust that sight will make my wife to laugh her heart out (I’m fucking thin to start with).


*In reality, the bike is damn huge.

I hope this entry will make your day as it already made mine. Don’t have a clue on who was the author for this masterpiece, hence no source revealed. One thing for sure, he’s more than a lion. He’s a clown.


1. At lunch time, sit in your parked car w/ sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.
2. Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.
3. Insist that your e mail address is:
a)Xena-Warrior-Princess@companyname.com or
b)Elvis-the-King@companyname.com
4. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.
5. Encourage your colleagues to join you in a little synchronized chair dancing.
6. Put your garbage can on your desk and label it "IN."
7. Develop an unnatural fear of staplers.
8. Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.
9. In the memo field of all your checks, write 'for sexual favors.'
10. Reply to everything someone says with, "That's what you think."
11. Finish all your sentences with "In accordance with the prophecy."
12. Adjust the tint on your monitor so that the brightness level lights up the entire work area. Insist to others that you like it that way.
13. Don't use any punctuation
14. As often as possible, skip rather than walk.
15. Ask people what sex they are. Laugh hysterically after they answer.
16. Specify that your drive through order is "to go."
17. Sing along at the opera.
18. Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme.
19. Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the same outfits. Wear them one day after your boss does. (This is especially effective if your boss is of the opposite gender.)
20. Send e-mail to the rest of the company to tell them what you're doing. For example, "If anyone needs me, I'll be in bathroom, in Stall #3."
21. Put mosquito netting around your cubicle. Play a tape of jungle sounds all day.
22. Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because you're not in the mood.
23. Call 911 and ask if 911 is for emergencies.
24. Call the psychic hotline and don't say anything.
25. Have your coworkers address you by your wrestling name, Rock Hard.
26. When the money comes out of the ATM, scream "I Won!", "I Won!" "3rd time this week!!!"
27. When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot, yelling "Run for your lives, they're loose!"
28. Tell your boss, "It's not the voices in my head that bother me, its the voices in your head that do."
29. Tell your children over dinner. "Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go."
30. Every time you see a broom, yell "Honey, your mother is here!"


Have a nice weekend everyone.

This is amusing.

Since being introduced on Jan 1, diesel quota system has caused severe shortages of the fuel in the country and has hurt honest dealers along the way. That was 4 months ago.

The Minister of Domestic Trade and Consumer Affairs said the root cause of the shortages is ‘smuggling’. What he fails to tell us is why the problem has not being fixed. He also has the cheek to say that he’s doing a good job and this is how we really should run the country*.

I don’t think so.

Lo and behold, this came from the same man that comes with a brilliant strategy to curb the crisis - use another months' (May and June) quota.

To me the quota system shouldn’t be there in the first place. But he knew better. He even got his pay increase approved in the Parliament earlier last month. In my current job, it can only mean one thing; jobs well done.

We’ve also experienced the third (petrol and diesel) price increase in 12 months time.

Come on. Make up your mind.


*Source: Bernama.com, April 27